Hannah Montana Season 3 Transcripts

2010-04-12T03:23:00.000-07:00

To read the transcript, click on the episode's image:

3x30 - Miley Says Goodbye? (Part 2)

2010-04-11T03:39:00.000-07:00

***

OPENING CREDITS

***

Following directly after the final scene of part one. Robby and Miley walk over and take a seat at the kitchen table.

ROBBY

Is it because you're worried about Blue Jeans?

MILEY

Yeah, but it's not just that. I mean, I bought Blue Jeans out here because I thought he was missing me, but last night I realized it was really me missing Tennessee.

ROBBY (trying to comfort)

Let me guess. Your talking horse told you this?

MILEY

Dad, I am not gonna make this important of a decision because a talking horse told me to. (pause) I argued with him until he turned into me and, as you and I both know, it's useless to argue with me.

Miley stands.

ROBBY

I hear that.

MILEY

Dad, look. It may seem like I'm not thinking straight and maybe I'm not, but I just can't shake this feeling of wanting to go back home.

ROBBY

Something that you're missing back home in Tennessee?

MILEY

So you're not mad?

Robby walks over to Miley.

ROBBY

Oh, of course not. I mean, this is a really important decision and we don't need to rush it. We need to step back and give this the consideration that it deserves.

There is a moment of silence. Robby takes a step back, and holds his arms out with a big grin.

ROBBY

We're going back to Tennessee!

MILEY

And leave Lilly? How can you be so cold?

ROBBY

We'll take her with us.

MILEY

Dad, Lilly's not gonna wanna come with us. California is her home. And besides, Oliver and her dad are here. Think a little.

Miley goes and sits on the couch. Robby follows behind.

ROBBY

Okay, I am thinking and what I'm thinking is, my dad always told me when a female is having a problem and tries to drag you into the middle of it, the best thing you can do is smile, nod and compliment her.

MILEY

Dad, it's not that simple. I mean, sure Oliver will be okay, but, I mean, what about Lilly? She just moved in. How can I abandon my best friend like this?

ROBBY (complimenting Miley)

Oh my goodness, you look lovely this morning!

MILEY

It's not gonna work.

ROBBY

Did you do something different to your hair?

Oliver arrives and walks in.

OLIVER

Oh good, you're up.

ROBBY (stepping aside)

Oh good, you're here. (to Oliver) Listen, I gotta' go to the store. Compliment her and stay close to the exit. Good luck.

Robby walks out through the front door. Oliver looks awkwardly over at Miley, who is still seated on the couch.

OLIVER (unsure what to say)

Hey... nice pyjamas. (heading for the stairs) Okay, where's Lilly? Is she still sleeping?

MILEY

Yep, poor kid. (Oliver looks down at Miley) Sailing away on the ship of dreams. Little does she know that uh, I'm about to (stands clenching her fists as Oliver comes back down) wake her up and crush that ship into the brutal rocks of reality.

OLIVER (confused)

Okay...

Robby quickly pops back in and grabs his wallet off the coffee table.

ROBBY (under his breath to Oliver)

Say her manicure looks nice.

OLIVER (to Miley)

Your manicure looks nice.

Robby walks back out again.

MILEY

Stop that!

OLIVER

Okay fine, your tips are chipped and your pyjamas, little bit frumpy.

Miley bites her fingernails and walks a little closer to Oliver.

OLIVER

Can we talk about me for a minute? (smiling) The most exciting thing happened last night. So, I was over at Jackson's, and there's this band that lives upstairs...

A flashback begins, at Jackson's flat the previous night.

***

Jackson and Oliver are standing by the front door, after having just stood it up in the frame again. They back away slowly.

JACKSON

All right. Right, that's just gonna have to work for now.

Someone knocks on the front door from outside.

JACKSON

Oh no...

The inevitable happens. The front door comes crashing down to the ground. A young guy is standing on the other side. It's Trent Shone – a member of the band that rehearses in the flat upstairs.

TRENT (pointing at the fallen door)

Dude, your door's busted.

JACKSON (annoyed)

Dude, I know.

Trent walks in, stepping all over the door.

TRENT

Hey, look, um, we're rehearsing upstairs and all this banging going on down here is kinda' hushing the vibe.

Oliver is pointing at Trent. Trent turns around.

OLIVER

You're Trent Shone from Epic Funk!

Trent crosses to Oliver's opposite side.

TRENT

Who cares? You're Oliver Oiken from America's Top Talent! You're the best thing that's happened to music since the air guitar, dude!

Trent does the air guitar.

TRENT

Dude, you know what would be the coolest thing ever? (Oliver exhales) ...If you opened for us.

OLIVER (taken by surprise)

Ah, well...

Trent leans down and holds his hands together.

TRENT

Please!

Oliver looks over at Jackson for assurance. Jackson holds two thumbs up with a big grin.

OLIVER (trying not to sound desperate)

Okay.

Trent starts bouncing around excitedly.

TRENT

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

He wraps his arms around Oliver, as the flashback comes to an end.

***

Back at Miley's house. Oliver has just finished explaining his story. Miley stares at him in disbelief.

MILEY

Really? (mocking Trent) Yay-yay-yay-yay?!

OLIVER

Okay, it didn't happen exactly like that, but he did ask me to open for them on the World Tour.

MILEY

World Tour? How much of the world are we talking about?

OLIVER (somewhat guiltily)

Six months.

MILEY

Six months?! You're gonna leave Lilly for six months?!

OLIVER

Yeah, I know. You know, that's why I'm so happy she has you to lean on. You know, think about it. I mean, her mom's moved; her dad's an hour away. Without me you're all she's got. You know, you're it. You're the centre of her universe. All right, all the roads lead back to you...

MILEY (interrupting)

I'm moving back to Tennessee.

OLIVER

Back-stabbing best friend say what?

***

Miley and Oliver are sitting on the steps near the piano.

OLIVER

Man, this stinks.

MILEY

I know. How are we gonna tell her that both of us are leaving?

Miley covers her face in her hands, closing her eyes. Oliver looks over at her and goes to walk off.

MILEY

Don't even think about it.

Oliver lets out a grunt and sits back down. Miley opens her eyes.

OLIVER

You know, you knew without looking. And it's that kind of sensitivity that makes you the perfect person to tell Lilly.

Lilly comes downstairs in a red dressing gown and finds Oliver and Miley.

LILLY

Tell me what?

Miley and Oliver, taken by surprise, stand up and start thinking of excuses.

MILEY

Uh, that it's a beautiful morning. And we're taking you out for a "We Love Lilly" day.

OLIVER

Because we love Lilly!

MILEY

Yeah.

OLIVER

And we want you to remember that.

MILEY

Forever.

OLIVER

Oh, come here.

Oliver and Miley walk over and give Lilly a hug from opposite sides. They mumble small affections under their breath.

LILLY

Okay, what's going on?

Oliver and Miley break free of Lilly.

OLIVER

Okay, why does something have to be going on? I mean, can't two people who care about you, just give you a day full of wonderful memories?

MILEY

Memories that will carry you through the hard times that life inevitably throws at you.

Miley and Oliver fill the awkward moment by smiling and Lilly with a cheesy grin.

LILLY

Would you both stop smiling at me like that 'cause it's kinda' creeping me out.

MILEY

Absolutely.

OLIVER

No problem.

For a moment they stop grinning, but then start again, trying not to seem suspicious.

LILLY

What did I just say?

Miley and Oliver stop grinning again.

MILEY

Sorry.

OLIVER

Sorry, my bad. (pause) So, let's get packin'!

MILEY (correcting Oliver anxiously)

Cracking. (waving a fist at Lilly friendly) Let's get cracking! (looking at Oliver) Yeah, because packing would be stupid.

Oliver looks slightly embarrassed.

***

Over at Jackson's flat, the band upstairs rehearsing is wreaking havoc on the furniture.

BAND (VO)

One, two, three, four!

As they start to boom, furniture all over the place in the living room starts falling out of place. Jackson comes out from his room with dust from the furniture all over him. He looks up and shouts.

JACKSON

RICO!!!

He runs out the front door, which falls to the ground again after he uses it. As a result, two more cupboards in the kitchen fall out from their hinges and make a crash to the floor. Jackson sheepishly looks back in, turning away with a sob.

***

Miley walks into the Stewart house with Lilly, holding a purple bag. They've just got back from the mall. Lilly is wearing a new outfit. Miley closes the door and puts an arm on Lilly's shoulder as they walk in.

MILEY

Now, I don't know about you, but this is a day I will never forget. Never ever-ever. Ever!

LILLY

Yeah, me too, but I mean, you didn't have to buy me a whole new outfit. I-I-I think I'm gonna take it back.

Lilly goes to walk away, but Miley leads her into the kitchen.

MILEY

Oh, please, do not be (???). I mean, you look adorable. And besides, you already sweat in it, so...

LILLY

You're right, I did. Thank you, overactive sweat clans. (squeaky voice) You're welcome, Lilly.

MILEY

Oh, you are so cute. I'm gonna miss that when...

Miley puts a hand on Lilly's head and realizes she's not ready to give her game up yet.

MILEY

...I'm in somewhere that you're not. And we can't see each other. Because we're not...(unsure what to say so laughs) Hahahahahahahaha.

In the nick of time, Oliver walks in at the front door carrying a giant black piece of cardboard.

OLIVER

Well, somebody forgot their pictures in the car.

He turns it around and there's four enlarged photos glued on from a typical photo booth at the mall.

LILLY

Honestly guys, I told you. I'd be okay with the little ones from the machine.

Oliver, by now, has made his way over to stand opposite the girls. Miley goes to his side.

MILEY

Oh, you silly-Lilly. Everybody looses those. These jumbo-puppies are here to stay.

Miley gives the cardboard a tap. She points at Lilly's face on one of the photos.

MILEY

So cute.

LILLY

Okay. You keep saying everything's okay, and I go along with it, 'cause, you know, I was hoping for a matching purse, but uh... Honestly, saying you love me every five minutes and (holds up Miley's wrist) wearing the friendship bracelet I gave you three years ago, what gives?

MILEY (serious)

Fine. There's no easy way to say this.

Oliver has leaned the cardboard up against the couch. Miley leads Lilly over to the couch and the three of them sit down beside one another, Lilly in the middle.

MILEY

I'm moving back to Tennessee.

OLIVER

And I'm going on tour with Epic Funk.

Lilly looks saddened.

MILEY

Lilly, leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but there's something pulling me back to Tennessee.

OLIVER

This is an unbelievable opportunity for me.

LILLY (shocked)

Wow.

OLIVER

Do you want a tissue?

MILEY

Do you wanna' hit something? Maybe Oliver? (to Oliver) Assume the position.

Reluctantly, Oliver sits so his arm is facing Lilly. He closes his eyes with a tremble.

MILEY

Go ahead, Lilly.

But Lilly stays in mutual position, staring out into thin air.

MILEY

Lilly?

LILLY

No, I understand...

Lilly reaches out and softly pats Oliver on the arm. He's expecting the worst, however, and breaks out into a painful whimper. Realizing there's no pain, he turns back to face his girlfriend.

OLIVER

Wait, you do?

LILLY (holding back her tears with great struggle)

Yeah, Oliver. You're right. I mean, you can't pass up something like this, and I wouldn't want you to. (places an arm around Oliver's shoulder) I am so proud of you. (turns to Miley) And Miley, I totally get it. If-if your heart is telling you you have to go back to Tennessee, then you have to.

MILEY

So you're not mad at me?

LILLY

No, of course not. I mean, I'm gonna' miss both of you guys like crazy, but... it'll be okay.

OLIVER

Lilly, you are amazing. You know, I was so worried that you would freak out, thinking I was one of those guys who goes on the road, promising not to cheat, but then, you know, caves after the first cute girl who uh...well, let's be honest, just after the first cute girl... (smiles but then looks serious)

MILEY

And I was terrified that you'd think that I was gonna' go back to Tennessee, hang out with my old friends, get a new phone, forget to put your number in it, and then you'd try to call me all lonely and sad, and all you hear is a voice saying "oh I'm sorry, but this number has been disconnected because she now has cooler friends".

Lilly looses it. She can't hold her tears in any longer.

MILEY

Lilly?

Lilly stands up from her seat and walks away.

OLIVER

Lillypop, are you okay?

LILLY

I was, until you guys (???) all that stuff you thought I'd worry about, that I wasn't worried about, but now I am.

Lilly walks away.

MILEY

Oh no, Lilly, please don't cry.

Miley and Oliver follow over to Lilly.

OLIVER

Okay, you know what, Lilly? I won't go. I'll give up my dreams for you.

LILLY

Oh, what? So you can stay and grow to hate me? Oh yeah, that's a much better choice.

MILEY

Okay, fine, then I'll stay.

LILLY

What? So you're so bitter you can't even look at me without seeing the soul-sucking leech who kept you from following your heart?

MILEY

Why does saying goodbye have to hurt so much?

Sobbing, Oliver and Miley take either side of Lilly and they have a three-way hug.

OLIVER

I know. Why can't we be more like them? (points over at the happy photos on the cardboard from the mall)

Miley and Oliver latch onto Lilly, completely covering her.

LILLY

I think I need that tissue now.

Miley looks over at the tissue box on the table. She hides her head back into the three-way hug and they waddle over together. Lilly sticks her hand out and grabs a tissue, soon after blowing her nose. Eventually, they break free of each other, still sobbing nonetheless.

LILLY

How much time do we have left?

MILEY

Well, we just have to wait for my dad to find a ranch in Tennessee, but... let's not think about that right now.

LILLY

Okay.

Robby comes downstairs holding his laptop computer, with a big smile on his face.

ROBBY

Whoo, you're still here. I just found the perfect ranch. You're gonna love it.

Miley breaks into tears.

MILEY

Thanks a lot, dad!

Miley walks off crying.

LILLY (sarcastic)

Yeah, I'm so happy for you. (throws her used tissue at Robby) Bon voyage!

Lilly follows after Miley. Robby stays staring at Oliver.

OLIVER (trying to hide his sensitivity)

Pfftt, girls. They are so emotional. (upset) Don't you look at me!

Oliver walks away.

***

Back at Jackson's place, he has just finished drilling the last cabinet back into place. He closes the door and backs away slowly.

JACKSON

Good cabinet. Stay. Stay.

Satisfied that he's done the job correctly, he stands overlooking the table with his hands on his hips.

JACKSON

All right, Jackson Rod Stewart, "handy-man".

He puts the drill down on the table and the table goes crashing to the floor. He holds his hands up to the heavens and shouts.

JACKSON (shouting to the heavens)

Stop mocking me!!

Miley arrives, knocking hesitantly on the half-open door, which for once, doesn't fall down as she enters.

JACKSON

Miley, hey. Come on in...(unsure what to say)...you. Welcome to paradise. Population (points at himself) mwha. Y-you'll have to forgive the mess, I'm just doing a little remodelling because I just love this place so much.

Miley peers down at the table on the floor.

JACKSON

You like my table? It's a table, and a place to stand if I ever have a regular-sized date. Which I will, because my apartment is awesome.

MILEY

Jackson, I have a problem and I need to talk to somebody.

JACKSON

Because, like, the six-billion people that you'd come to before me have just sort of mysteriously vanished? (pointing out the window) Oh, wait, no, I see about a half dozen of them out there right now. Huh, there's a guy talking to pigeons across the street. Seems like he really enjoys a nice conversation.

MILEY

Jackson, I'm serious. I told dad that I want to move back to Tennessee, and before I could even blink, he found a place.

JACKSON

Wait, um, we're moving back home?

MILEY

Well, dad and I are, but, I mean, you seem to like this apartment so much I wouldn't expect you to come.

JACKSON

Whoa-whoa! I mean, yes-yes, (rubbing the chair), I love this apartment, I love it. Uh, but-but not more than the family unit. You know? I would insist that dad pay off the lease so that way the family unit could remain unified and united, and you know...(struggling to find the words)...in a unit.

MILEY

You hate it here, don't you?

JACKSON (sobbing)

It's a nightmare!

Miley pats her brother on the shoulder.

JACKSON

L-look, if we move back to Tennessee, then I won't have to admit to dad that my first decision as an adult was uh...

He sits himself down on the couch and he leans right through to the bottom. The spring is broken.

JACKSON

...A complete disaster.

Miley goes and sits on the coffee table beside the couch.

MILEY

How did this become such a mess?

JACKSON

I don't know. An incompetent furniture man with no pride in his workmanship?

MILEY

Jackson, I was talking about my life. I mean, part of me wants to go back to Tennessee, and part of me loves it here. And how can I leave Lilly? What do I do?

JACKSON (shrugging)

I love you, but I don't have your answers. W-wait, I think I might know something that'll help.

MILEY

I'm not talking to the pigeon guy.

JACKSON

I'm talking about Blue Jeans. You should go for a ride. That-that always seems like when you do your best thinking.

MILEY

Yeah, you're right. (stands) Wow. (swallows) Such simple words, yet... they taste like vomit.

JACKSON

Uh, "thank you Jackson" would be enough.

MILEY

Thank you, Jackson. (covers her lip) Not as bad this time, but still gonna need a mint.

She walks out.

***

Miley is in the stable with Blue Jeans, readying him for their ride.

MILEY

Right now I wish you really could talk. Maybe then you could tell me what to do.

Reflective music starts to play, as Miley looks down to the ground and starts having flashbacks.

***

Flashback scene – from the very first episode of the show, Lilly, Do You Want To Know A Secret? Miley and Lilly are standing in the cafeteria at school.

LILLY

Miley, you're smart, you're funny. And now, you have my lucky bracelet.

Lilly puts the bracelet around Miley's arm.

***

Still in the flashback, only later events from the first episode. Lilly is in Hannah's dressing room. Hannah has cream pie all over her face. She spots the bracelet on Hannah's arm.

LILLY

Hey, I have a lucky bracelet just like that! I loaned it to my best friend yesterday. Of course, mine says Lilly on the back...

Lilly looks down on the bracelet and finds that it's a replica of the one she loaned to Miley.

LILLY (reading the bracelet)

...Just like that.

Lilly looks up and wipes some cream to the side of Hannah's face, and finds that she is not looking into the eyes of a celebrity, but indeed into the eyes of her closest friend.

HANNAH

Ta-dah!

***

The music continues to play as flashbacks of Hannah and Lola/Miley and Lilly from various episodes of the past three seasons play:

Lola has been brought out on stage and is staring into the audience with a scarce look on her face. Hannah waves her arms for her. (It's My Party and I'll Lie if I Want To)

Lola is scratching Hannah's back as she performs a new dance routine on a show, in the episode where she accidently sat in the poison ivy bush. (O, Oh, Oh, Itchy Woman)

Lilly and Miley are on school camp moving their arms around in a circular motion as if they were stirring a pot. (O, Oh, Oh, Itchy Woman)

Miley and Lilly are at the 60's dance at school fighting over Jake Ryan. (More Than a Zombie to Me)

Miley and Lilly, dressed in matching black suits, come around from the corner and look at each other. (Good Golly, Miss Dolly)

Miley and Lilly come out of the girls bathroom with their hair stuck together. (Schooly Bully)

Miley and Lilly are at the front of a classroom doing the Bone Dance in front of the teacher. (Get Down, Study-udy-udy)

Miley and Lilly are dressed as male rock band players, singing their heads off in a recording studio. (Me and Mr Jonas and Mr Jonas and Mr Jonas)

Miley and Lilly are in Jackson's room with blue plastic dresses on jumping up and down as they are unable to bear the stenches. (Bye Bye Ball)

Hannah is pulled along the couch as she holds onto Traci's wedding dress when she walks away. (Jake Another Little Piece of My Heart)

Miley is on the couch eating a donut and Lilly puts her hands out underneath so crumbs won't escape. (Got To Get Her Out Of My House)

Hannah and Lola give each other a hug, backstage at a television studio.

On board the S.S. Tipton, out on the deck, Hannah and Lola give each other a hug. (Super(stitious) Girl)

Finally, Lilly and Miley are sitting on the bed in Lilly's father's apartment and give each other a hug. (The Wheel Near My Bed Keeps On Turnin')

***

The flashbacks end. Miley is up on a hill sitting on Blue Jeans' back, deep in thought. Robby sneaks up behind her on his horse.

ROBBY

There you are. I've been looking all over for you.

MILEY

Sorry.

ROBBY

Up here doing a little thinking?

MILEY

Oh, yeah. I mean, I know I need more Tennessee back in my life, it's just... something-something doesn't feel right about leaving my life here.

ROBBY

Especially Lilly?

MILEY

Yeah, I mean, how can going back to Tennessee be the right decision if it makes me and the people that I love so unhappy? Daddy, I don't think I can do it.

ROBBY

I know that, darlin'. I could tell by the way you were acting this morning.

MILEY

Then why did you go off and buy a ranch in Tennessee?

ROBBY

I didn't.

MILEY

What?

ROBBY

I could tell you needed to be in Tennessee and California both, so I found a way we could meet in the middle.

MILEY (confused)

You bought a ranch in (???)?

ROBBY

No. Actually, it’s a little closer than that. Twenty acres, cute little barn, kinda' like a Crowley Corners down by the city.

MILEY

You did not?!

ROBBY

You see that place right over there?

Robby points down to a house built on the top of acres and acres of land.

MILEY

You bought that place?

ROBBY

It's not Tennessee, but it's pretty dang-darn close.

MILEY (smiling)

It's better! It's perfect. There's room for everybody. Lilly, Blue Jeans, and... even Jackson. I'll fill you in on that later. Thank you so much, daddy.

ROBBY

I love you, Mile.

MILEY

I love you to.

Miley leans over and Robby gives her a kiss on the cheek.

***

Over at the Stewart's, Miley, Lilly and Oliver are sitting on the steps where the piano used to be, looking at an empty house.

LILLY

Wow. Seeing it all empty's kinda' sad.

OLIVER

I know. You know, I'm just glad you and Miley are still gonna' be living together. It'll be a lot easier being on tour knowing that you have her.

LILLY

You'd better call me everyday.

OLIVER

I'm gonna' call you twice a day.

Oliver wraps his arms around Lilly.

MILEY

Yeah, but can you make sure it's not to early and not to late? (on Lilly and Oliver's look) All right, fine. Call whenever, but I want to talk to you to.

Miley joins in on the hug.

MILEY

Yeah but seriously, I'm much nicer between ten and ten.

A horn sounds from outside.

MILEY (calling upstairs)

Dad! Moving van's ready, let's go.

The three of them stand.

LILLY

Yeah, what is he doing up there?

MILEY

I don't know. He's uh, packing up some valuables that he wants to hand carry.

Robby comes downstairs carrying a box of personal care items.

ROBBY

There you go.

OLIVER (looking in the box)

A blow dryer and some brushes?

ROBBY

I'll have you know this is a limited edition jet-stream G.T. with ionic defuser. Most powerful hairdryer known to man.

OLIVER

Wow...

Oliver reaches into that box.

ROBBY

You wanna' keep that hair, son?

OLIVER

Yes, sir.

Oliver backs away. Jackson comes downstairs, a sobering mess. He's pointing at the stairs as he comes down.

JACKSON (sobbing)

Good bye, stairs. (comes down and points at the floor) Goodbye spot where I kissed Andrea Stran. (shifts aside and points at another part of the floor) Goodbye spot where Andrea Stran tazored me.

MILEY (stepping over the floor Jackson was pointing at)

Goodbye spot where I stepped over your twitching body to run and go get my camera.

Everyone laughs.

ROBBY

Come on, Jackson. You got a great apartment now, and you're only ten miles up the road.

JACKSON

Yeah. Yeah, I do. It's furnished, it's right near the beach. (fake) I've never been so happy. See? (fake smile)

ROBBY

Well that's great. We're all gonna be happy now. Oliver's hitting the road, you up there in your little apartment, and me, Miley and Lilly out there at the new ranch with a heated swimming pool and two hot tubs so whichever side of the house you're on you're only steps away from seventy-two (???) jets of pure paradise.

JACKSON

Seventy-two?

ROBBY

That's not even counting the ones that (demonstrates with his finger) go up and down and up and down.

Jackson sheepishly follows behind Robby as they head for the door.

MILEY

Dad, how long are you gonna torture him until you tell him you got him out of his lease and he's coming with us?

JACKSON

What?

ROBBY

Oh come on, Mile', I had two minutes of great material ahead.

Jackson gives Robby a hug.

JACKSON

Thank you, thank you.

ROBBY

You're welcome, son. All right everybody, let's get a move on, we've got a new ranch to fix up. Or as I like to say, a ranch that needs some dressing. Get it? Ranch dressing? Wow, good thing Robby Ray packed up the humour, let's go.

All except Miley head out. She stays and takes a look over the empty house. Lilly comes back.

LILLY

Come on Miley, it's time to say hello to our new home.

MILEY

And goodbye to the old one.

Lilly walks off. Miley slowly follows, reflectively looking back on the house as she closes the door and blows a kiss to it. She turns away off the front porch with a big smile on her face.

***

Jackson is in his former apartment, handing over the keys to Rico.

JACKSON

Here's your keys.

RICO

Thank you.

Music from the band rehearsing upstairs starts to sound. Rico looks up.

JACKSON

Yeah. Uh, good luck trying to find another sucker to rent this place.

Jackson heads for the door as Rico calls out after him.

RICO

Hey, a coat of paint, some new cabinets, a little wood glue and another sucker will be knocking down the door.

But Jackson's already gone. Rico walks back into the living room and talks to himself.

RICO (to himself)

Hopefully after he signs the lease.

Rico looks up as a crack starts to form in the roof, and with loud crashing and banging, the band members from upstairs fall down with saw dust all over them. Surprisingly there instruments are still with them and no one seems hurt.

TRENT

We gotta' work this bit into the show. One, two, three, four... !

They start playing their instruments and rocking out again, flicking dust all over the place, much to Rico's annoyance.

***

Hannah Montana © Walt Disney. No infringement is intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Michael Poryes and Steven Peterman.

3x29 - Miley Says Goodbye? (Part 1)

2010-04-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

In a stable, at Uncle Earl's property in Tennessee. Miley is bidding farewell to her uncle and her beloved horse, Blue Jeans.

MILEY

I'm sure gonna miss you, Blue Jeans. (she gives Blue Jeans a kiss)

EARL

I swear Miley Ray, I don't know how you people can go back to the small-(???), crowded California, and leave the (???) serenity that is the great state of Tennessee.

A demanding female voice comes roaring from outside. Earl falls back and leans on the horse in shock.

PEARL (VO)

Earl, get a move on! Those hogs ain't gonna slop themselves!

EARL

I'm coming, Pearl. (turns to Miley) Please take me with you. All I need is a toothbrush and a pair of undershorts, and I'm good for a month.

MILEY

Well Uncle Earl, as much as we'd love to have you and your extra-strength undershorts.

EARL

I call them thunder-shorts.

MILEY

Of course you do, Uncle Earl. I need someone here, you know, to take care of Blue Jeans. Someone that I know really loves him. (pats Blue Jeans on the back)

EARL

Oh, yeah. I was just kidding. I'll take good care of him. (pats Blue Jeans on the back) Always do. All right, sweetie. (kisses Miley on the head) I'll leave you to say your goodbyes.

Uncle Earl goes to leave. His stomach flops out in front of him.

EARL (quickly looking back)

Day fourteen's always the hardest.

He struggles on out. Miley goes to get some food. She is startled when she hears a voice...

BLUE JEANS

There was no picnic either.

MILEY (looking around)

Who said that?

BLUE JEANS

Who do you think said it? (Miley turns and looks at her horse) The one you're leaving behind again, that's who.

MILEY (surprised to hear Blue Jeans talking)

You can talk?

BLUE JEANS

Don't change the subject. There's another horse, isn't there? A Hollywood horse. All razzle-dazzle.

MILEY

No! There's no other horse, I swear!

BLUE JEANS

Then why do you keep leaving me, Mile? Don't leave me. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-on't leave me.

MILEY

I'm sorry. I'm sorry...

It's all been a dream. Miley wakes up in her bed, muttering.

MILEY

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry...(sits up) Blue Jeans?

Lilly awakens in the bed beside Miley's.

LILLY

Miley, are you okay?

MILEY

Yeah, I'm fine. I just had a bad dream.

LILLY (yawning)

Okay. Hey, if you want to talk, I'm right here...

The final words of Lilly's sentence are blurred as she lies back down and falls asleep again. Miley rests her head down on her pillow, but can't manage to close her eyes.

***

OPENING CREDITS

***

Miley, Lilly and Robby are sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast together.

MILEY

I swear, the dream was so real. He just kept on saying, "I-I-I-I need you, Mile." And it sounds just like something Blue Jeans would say if he was missing me.

ROBBY

That's weird. I've always thought Blue Jeans would sound a whole lot more like Clint Eastwood. (deep voice) "Go ahead, punk. Make my hay."

LILLY (aside to Miley)

Wow. Worst imitation ever.

MILEY

Oh, you should hear his Spock.

ROBBY (imitating Spock)

It would be totally illogical for you to think that I cannot hear you from this distance. (normal voice) Nailed it.

Lilly and Miley glare at Robby.

LILLY

Mmm-hmm.

MILEY

I'm gonna go call Uncle Earl and check on Blue Jeans.

Miley walks off. Jackson walks over to the table and stands at Miley's chair.

JACKSON (to Lilly)

Hey, interlober. (on Lilly's look) College word, look it up. You're in my seat.

LILLY

And since when is this your seat?

JACKSON

Why don't you look underneath?

Lilly feels underneath the chair.

JACKSON

Those are my boogies.

LILLY

Ew!

Lilly jumps up from her seat and runs to the sink to wash her hands. Jackson claims his seat.

ROBBY

Son, I want that thing scraped and disinfected by tomorrow morning.

JACKSON

Dad, I've been sitting in this chair for five years. I need a jackhammer a blow (???).

Lilly is over at the sink scraping her fingernails.

LILLY

I can still feel it! It's under my nails. (a whisper) It's under my nails.

ROBBY (standing)

Okay. I think I'm just gonna go out on the deck now as I so often do and pray for the strength to carry on.

Robby heads outside. Miley is sitting on the couch, with the phone raised to her ears.

MILEY (on phone)

Hey Uncle Earl. I just want to check up and see how Blue Jeans is doing.

Over in the barn at Tennessee, Earl is on the phone standing beside Blue Jeans.

EARL

Well, it's a funny thing you called, Miles. He's been out of sorts ever since you left last week. Why, I can't even get him to eat this morning. (to the horse) Come on Blue Jeans, this is good stuff. Yeah, I'm sure it's real good.

Earl leans his head into the bag and takes a mouthful of the horse food.

EARL

And that is good!

MILEY

Let me talk to him.

EARL

Let me step outside to give you two your privacy.

Earl heads for the door.

MILEY

U-U-U-Uncle Earl. You're gonna-you're gonna have to hold the phone for the horse.

EARL (turning back)

Oh, yeah. I knew that. All right, here you go.

Earl holds the phone up to Blue Jeans' ear.

MILEY

Hey Blue Jeans. Listen, I really miss you to, but you've gotta eat for me. Okay? Please?

Blue Jeans starts eating.

EARL (putting the phone to his ear)

Well, jumping Johnny Cash! Would you look at that?! He's eating, Mile.

MILEY (to Blue Jeans)

Good boy. I am so proud of you.

Earl misunderstands and thinks that Miley is giving the compliment to him.

EARL (flattered)

Oh thanks, I do what I can.

MILEY

Bye Uncle Earl. Thanks.

EARL

Bye, 'darl.

Earl hangs up the phone. Blue Jeans turns away from the sack of food.

EARL (about the food; to Blue Jeans)

Are you gonna finish that?

***

Miley jumps up from the couch and goes to Lilly.

MILEY

See. I new that dream meant something.

LILLY

Wow. So your horse really was missing you. Man, it's like you two have some sort of "psychic" connection.

MILEY

Well, we grew up together. He's like the brother I never had.

Jackson walks over to Miley, mocking her.

JACKSON (mocking Miley)

"Brother I never had". "Brother I never had". "Brother I ne--" ...Miles, you gotta do it with me or I look kinda' stupid.

MILEY

Okay, I'm sorry. I was kinda' tired, I didn't get much sleep last night. And BTW, you don't need my help to look stupid.

Miley walks off towards the couch. Lilly turns to Jackson.

LILLY (gasps)

Burn!

JACKSON (mocking Lilly)

Burn!

LILLY

Burn!

JACKSON

Burn!

LILLY

Burn!

JACKSON

Oh forget it, it's not worth it.

Jackson goes upstairs. Lilly walks over to Miley, who is flopped on the couch.

LILLY

Hey, Miley, are you gonna finish your breakfast?

MILEY

The only thing I wanna' finish is a good nights sleep.

Miley lies down, pulling the blanket up. As she falls asleep, she has another dream about Blue Jeans...

...In the barn, Earl is sitting beside Blue Jeans.

BLUE JEANS

One lousy phone call and now you think everything's all hunky-dorey? Don't you get it little girl? I need you. I also need an apple, but Earl ate that too.

The horse looks over at Earl, who is sitting on a stool with an apple.

EARL

What are you looking at? This is a healthy alternative...(shows an ice-cream from behind)...to this.

He starts licking at the double-scoop.

BLUE JEANS

Miley, don't just lie there. J-J-J-J help me.

Miley suddenly wakes up from her dream. It's been at least twenty minutes. Robby is sitting on the couch beside her reading the newspaper.

MILEY

Dad, I need a favor.

ROBBY

You want Blue Jeans down here, don't you?

MILEY

Yeah. I miss him, and he misses me, and Earl keeps eating all his apples, and I keep b-b-b-b- leaving him, and--- wait, how did you know?

ROBBY

Been mumbling Blue Jeans for the last twenty minutes. (personating Spock) Any other conclusion would be totally illogical. (normal voice) Nailed it, again. (whistles) I like today.

***

That night, Lilly comes out from hers and Miley's room and steps into the bathroom. A few seconds later, there's a two-parted scream from inside. From Jackson and from Lilly. Lilly runs out from the bathroom and meets Miley on the landing.

MILEY

What happened?

LILLY

Jackson! Bathtub! It was horrible.

Jackson comes running out in his bathrobe with bubbles on his face.

JACKSON

You are lucky that I double-bubbled, missy!

Jackson runs downstairs.

JACKSON

Dad! Dad!

Robby is downstairs on the couch reading the newspaper.

JACKSON

That is it! All right. If I am old enough to go to college, and old enough to vote, then I'm old enough to get my own place.

ROBBY

Where you can make a bubble-beard in private?

JACKSON

Yes, if I so desire.

Miley comes downstairs.

MILEY

Hey, way to lock the door, soap on a dope.

She turns away. Jackson turns to Robby.

JACKSON

That is exactly what I am talking about. Maybe you can live in this festering female fungus, but I can't. It is time for this rooster to spread his wings and bust out of the head house.

ROBBY

Well fine. Go ahead and cock-a-doodle do it.

JACKSON

Really?

ROBBY

Well sure. Moving out is an important step in a young man's life and I support it.

Miley walks over.

MILEY

So do I. Oh, and I just have one request. When you come crawling back home because you can't handle life on your own, just call first. So I can get my video camera set up.

JACKSON

Well videotape this. I'm gonna get my own place, and it's gonna be great. Because no matter what you think, I'm a responsible, mature adult.

Jackson gathers some bubbles from his head and blows them onto Miley's face. He runs upstairs.

***

At the Malibu Hills Stables, Miley comes pulling Blue Jeans into the stable. She is followed by Earl and Robby.

MILEY

I am so happy that you're finally here.

Earl mistakenly thinks that Miley is talking to him.

EARL

Well hon, I'm happy I'm here to, but you should say something nice to the horse.

MILEY (a thumbs up to Earl)

Good idea, Uncle Earl.

Miley continues pulling Blue Jeans through to the next stable.

MILEY

We are gonna have so much fun.

Earl and Robby follow her in.

EARL

Again honey, to the horse. (to Robby) She knows I can't stay, right?

ROBBY

Earl, I've been waiting for just the right moment to break it to her.

EARL

You are such a good daddy.

Earl doesn't notice the sarcasm in Robby's voice when he embraces his brother in a cuddle. Robby and Miley exchange looks and a shrug with each other.

***

Jackson's done what no one thought he could do. He's standing in the middle of his new, typical College apartment with Oliver.

JACKSON

Ah?

Jackson runs over to a small drum by the couch and taps it.

JACKSON

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

OLIVER

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

Oliver follows Jackson over to one of those hand-controlling plastic football games to the side. They make excited noises as Jackson runs over to a cupboard.

JACKSON

A-bing, a-bang, a-bing, a-bang.

Jackson opens the cupboard to reveal stacks upon stacks of chocolate easter bunnies.

OLIVER

Dude, this place is incredible! But - and, you know what, I hope you don't take this the wrong way --- it's so clean!

JACKSON

I know. And it's gonna stay that way. Miley doesn't think that I can handle living on my own, but I'll show her. Dude, check it out.

Jackson puts his packet of chips on the table and holds up a chair to show Oliver the bottom.

JACKSON

One-hundred percent boogie-free!

Jackson puts the chair back down.

OLIVER

Man, it's like I don't even know you anymore.

JACKSON

I've become a man, my friend.

Some music starts sounding from upstairs. It draws Jackson and Oliver to the middle of the apartment.

OLIVER

What is that?

JACKSON

I have a rock band living above me.

OLIVER (somewhat sarcastic)

So loud.

JACKSON

I know.

OLIVER (more excited)

So cool!

JACKSON (just as excited)

I know!

They start rocking out to the music.

***

Lilly joins Robby at the couch in the living room, placing a plate with a sandwich on it on the coffee table.

ROBBY

Hey there, Lil. Whoa! That is one handsome sandwich you got there.

LILLY

Yeah, well uh... I do work in a sub-shop.

ROBBY

Yeah, it shows too. (Lilly goes to take a bite from her sandwich) You know, when Miley makes a sandwich she usually makes one for me to, but that's just Mile.

Lilly nods guiltily.

LILLY

Uh-huh...

ROBBY

I guess that's her way of showing her appreciation for me putting this roof over her head, but... how do you like living here?

Lilly places her sandwich half back on the plate and hands it to Robby.

LILLY

Here.

ROBBY

For me? Oh, thank you Lilly. You know what else Mile does?

LILLY

I'd say a lemonade.

ROBBY

A little bit of both.

LILLY

Yeah.

Lilly gets up and heads to the kitchen.

ROBBY (calling after Lilly)

Don't be stingy with the ice.

Miley arrives through the front door with a sour look on her face.

MILEY

Do I have a serious case of saddled but or what? (struggles then smiles) But I don't care! Blue Jeans and I had (sits down) so much fun today. (spots Robby's sandwich) Oh, that looks great.

ROBBY

Yeah, it sure does. Lilly made it for me.

MILEY (calling to Lilly in the kitchen)

Hey Lil, how do you like living here?

Lilly is balancing the jugs for Robby, heading for the lounge room... but turns back to the kitchen.

LILLY

White or wheat?

MILEY

Wheat, please. (to Robby) Blue Jeans and I had so much fun. It was the best day ever.

ROBBY

Well, I'm not surprised. You know, riding Blue Jeans always did put a smile on your face.

MILEY

Well, yeah. You said the key to being happy is never forgetting where you come from, and - being out there on Blue Jeans today, it felt like I was back in Crowley Corners.

Miley's mobile from her back pocket starts ringing.

MILEY

Bringing Blue Jeans out here is the best thing I ever did.

ROBBY

Cool.

Miley reaches for her mobile and raises it to her ear as she answers.

MILEY (on phone)

Hello? (pause) Oh, hey Bert. (pause) What?! (pause) I-I'll be there right away.

Lilly walks over as Miley hangs up.

LILLY

What happened?

MILEY (standing)

Blue Jeans. He ran away.

The three of them race out the door.

***

Miley, Lilly and Robby come walking back in and head to the kitchen.

MILEY

Bringing Blue Jeans down here was the dumbest thing I ever did.

LILLY

Miley, we're going to find him, okay? The stable's looking, you already called the police, and I am going to make up a lost-horse poster right now.

Lilly sits down at the table and gets out a pen.

ROBBY

Lilly's right. Everything's gonna turn out fine, Mile. Remember when you were eight years old and your kitty ran away? We looked all over the place for it. Turned out it was hiding under the kitchen sink the whole time.

Miley clicks and starts backing towards the sink.

MILEY (sarcastic)

Why didn't I think of that? I bet he's under the sink. I mean, if I was a fifteen-hundred pound horse (opens the cupboard under the sink) this is where I would be.

And no sooner does a familiar-looking white horse come up to the window above the sink and stick his head in. Miley can't see it.

MILEY (unaware of Blue Jeans above her; talking to the cupboard sink)

Blue Jeans?

LILLY/ROBBY

Mile...

MILEY (calling into the cupboard sink)

Blue Jeans? Is that you? Oh, wait. (takes out a plunger) There you are, you came home. Good boy. Oh, you came home. Good boy.

Miley stands up with the plunger.

ROBBY

Mile. You need to stop waving that thing around, you're going to scare the horse in the window.

MILEY (waving the plunger)

Dad, this is not time for one of your little...

Miley turns around and finally sets eyes on Blue Jeans.

MILEY

Blue Jeans! (to Lilly and Robby) You both scared me to death.

Miley races outside to meet her horse through the back door.

ROBBY (calling after Miley)

Good thing he showed up. I don't think Lilly's lost horse picture would've helped much.

LILLY (defensive; holding up the drawing)

(???), colored in, okay?

Robby nods. Miley is at the window rubbing Blue Jeans.

***

Miley is pulling Blue Jeans into the horse stable, still that same night. Lilly and Robby follow behind. Lilly still has her lost-horse drawing.

MILEY

Here we go, boy. Back home safe-and-sound.

LILLY

Okay, all right. (holding her drawing up to the horse) I admit the legs might be a little off, but I think I got his eye right.

ROBBY (somewhat sarcastic)

You know what? I believe you did. That's actually very, very good.

Robby crosses to the opposite side of the horse.

LILLY (to Miley)

Wait a minute. He's just doing that supportive dad thing, isn't he?

MILEY

Oh, he's trying. But let's admit it, I'm not giving him much to work with.

ROBBY

Actually, you do make a very good sandwich. Little heavy on the mayo', though.

Miley laughs, the pulls Blue Jeans through to the next stable which is lit up with lights.

MILEY

Okay, buddy. (as she stops pulling) Now this isn't Tennessee. You can't just walk across the yard to my window when you miss me. 'Cause here my window is six miles away, pass the freeway, pass the mini-mall, and then uh, across Will Ferell's backyard. (to Lilly) Not such a funny man when your horse takes a wizz on his hammock.

LILLY

Yeah. It's not like he was in it. (pause) Oh...

Robby comes to the door.

ROBBY

Hey Mile. It's been a long day, you and Blue Jeans both need to get some rest.

MILEY

All right.

Lilly follows Robby out, leaving Miley to say her farewell.

MILEY

Goodnight, Blue Jeans. Sleep tight. (starting for the door) Now be a good boy and stay. (slowly backing away) Stay. Stay. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.

Miley steps out and closes the door.

MILEY (to Blue Jeans)

Love you.

Miley walks off.

***

Miley comes downstairs the following morning, still in her pajamas and her hair a mess - surprised when she looks up and finds Blue Jeans in the kitchen.

MILEY (looking Blue Jeans up and down)

Not exactly what I had in mind.

***

Later on at the stable, now properly clothed - Miley shuts the door on Blue Jeans and steps outside.

MILEY

Okay, now this time, I mean it. Stay.

Miley walks off, but turns back when the horse makes a groaning sound at her.

MILEY

Don't you "pfffttt" me! (slowly backing away) Now stay. Good boy.

She does the classic trick with her fingers to connect an invisible line between her eyes and Blue Jeans.

MILEY

Huh?

Blue Jeans nods. Miley walks off and he groans again.

***

Down at the packed beach, just outside Rico's, Miley is sunbathing out on a seat when suddenly a figure leans over her and shades out all the sun.

MILEY (still with her eyes shut)

Whoever you are, you're blocking my sun.

Miley opens her eyes and finds Blue Jeans leaning at her side.

MILEY

Oh, sweet niblets!

***

Miley and Lilly are standing beside each other at the side in the hallway at school.

MILEY

Okay, so I've got a stablehand checking on him every hour, I put my favorite scarf around his neck with my favorite perfume on it, and, I've got Indiana Joannie on a continues loop. Now, if that doesn't do it, I don't know what will.

Miley and Lilly overhear a teacher comes walking out of a classroom followed behind by a student.

STUDENT

I'm not lying Mr Donham. I mean, a horse ate my homework. Really.

The student and the teacher continue off.

MILEY

Oh no.

Rico comes walking around the corner pulling Blue Jeans with him.

LILLY

Oh yes.

RICO

Hey Stewart. Your friend here tried to cut in front of me in the cafeteria but I said "neigghhhh".

Miley and Lilly give Rico a glare.

***

Over at Jackson's apartment, Jackson and Oliver are watching the football. Jackson starts nudging at Oliver's shoulder.

OLIVER/JACKSON

SCORE! Score, score, score, score, score, score!!!

JACKSON

You hear that?

OLIVER

What?

JACKSON

The beautiful sound of a Miley-free living environment.

OLIVER

Jackson, I know you guys have your problems, but Miley's my bud...

JACKSON (angrily shouting)

GET OUT!

Oliver gets up and starts backing away to the kitchen.

OLIVER

Was my bud....yesterday. When you say Miley, I say who.

JACKSON

Miley.

OLIVER

Who?

JACKSON

Miley.

OLIVER

Who? (going to the fridge) I'm gonna get us a drink.

Oliver opens the fridge door, inhales the smell and takes a deep breath.

OLIVER

Oh, dawg, I think your fridge was a (???) in a former life.

JACKSON

Really?

OLIVER

Yeah.

Jackson runs over to the fridge. Oliver gets the milk out and goes to the sink.

OLIVER

Jackson, it's not even cold in there.

Jackson shuts the fridge door. Oliver looks into the milk carton and as he pours it down the sink a lot of lumps can be seen.

JACKSON

Okay, okay...uh, no problem. Uh, when something goes wrong, you don't panic-you, you just call the landlord. That's what a mature adult does.

Jackson by now has gone for the phone and called up the landlord, raising the phone to his ears.

OLIVER

Can I get some chips?

JACKSON

Help yourself.

Oliver reaches for the top cupboard. As he feels for the handle, the door falls out into his hands. He backs over to Jackson, who's still got the phone raised to his ears.

OLIVER

Um, Jackson...

No sooner does the entire cupboard fall down from it's socket with a crash. Jackson rests the phone down.

OLIVER

You might want to keep the landlord on speed dial.

***

Later on, Jackson is sweeping up the mess made from the cupboard. The phone rings. He goes and answers it with much inconvenience.

JACKSON (answering phone)

Uh-uh, hello? (pause) Oh, hey dad. Uh, what's the matter? You're missing me already?

Robby's on the other end, standing in the kitchen at the Stewart house with his apron on.

ROBBY

Well, as hard as it is for me to believe, I do. So anyhow, I was thinking about stopping by just a little bit later and uh...

JACKSON (interrupting)

And what? Uh, check up on me? 'Cause-'cause, you think I'm dumb enough to rent a fully furnished apartment that looks great but is actually falling apart faster than a pair of fudgie-buddy boots?

ROBBY

No, I just wanted to bring you over a (???) pie.

JACKSON

No! No! You uh... no, dad. Dad. I already had pie. Yeah-yeah-yeah, I baked it myself. (pointing to the kitchen) In my awesome kitchen.

An explosive sound comes from the bathroom, followed by a scream of Oliver's voice. Something has started leaking.

ROBBY

What was that?

JACKSON

Nothin'. Uh, I'm just watching a TV show where they blow a lot of stuff up. Yeah. (pretending to be watching the TV) Oh, oh! They're about ready to smash together a watermelon and a cantaloup and a soup recliner. I gotta go. Don't come over till' I tell you to. Bye.

Jackson hangs the phone up. He turns to the bathroom.

JACKSON

Oliver, what happened?

Oliver comes out of the bathroom soaked in water.

OLIVER (somewhat guilty)

Um, nothing.... Just, you know, if um, the landlord doesn't get here soon, you might need to build a boat.

He hands the doorknob to Jackson.

JACKSON (chuckles)

If you tell one more lame joke, you might need to call the doctor. Here.

Jackson throws a pair of pliers Oliver's way.

OLIVER (catching the spanner)

Oh. I was hoping for a towel, but thank you.

The band upstairs starts rehearsing.

OLIVER

At least we got music while we work. These guys are good. (shouting) Hey, crank it up!

GUY (VO from upstairs)

I hear that!

The music gets louder. Oliver starts jigging a little to the sound, but stops and looks to the ground guiltily when another cupboard falls out of its place on the wall due to the sound.

JACKSON (sarcastic)

Thank you.

OLIVER

I'll just leave you alone with your thoughts. And your (???). (looks around) Yep.

Oliver goes into the bathroom again. The doorbell rings and the music upstairs stops.

JACKSON

Finally!

The music from upstairs gets even louder and an item balanced on the top edge of the door falls to the ground. Jackson shrugs.

JACKSON (shouting over the music)

Come on in!

Rico opens the door and walks in.

RICO

Heyo!

Rico and Jackson point at each other, surprised to bump into each other.

RICO/JACKSON (to each other at the same time)

What are you doing here?!

JACKSON (in sync with Rico)

I live here!

RICO (in sync with Jackson)

I own this place!

JACKSON/RICO (to each other at the same time)

What?! Stop that!

JACKSON

You own this place?!

RICO

I own the whole block.

JACKSON (pointing around)

This apartment is falling apart.

RICO

I know. I was gonna use it for storage until I found out someone actually rented it. I couldn't figure out who would be so stupid. Now it all makes sense.

JACKSON

You know, I would insult you back, but I am a mature adult with my own apartment.

RICO

You don't have a comeback, do you?

JACKSON (agitated)

No, I'm mature! Now fix my stuff! Napoleon-part apartment owner!

***

Later on, the apartment has been repaired and Rico is standing in the entrance hallway with the repair men.

MAN #1

I still can't believe someone rented this dump.

RICO

I know, he's an idiot.

Rico and the repair men share and exaggerated laugh, as if to spite Jackson.

JACKSON (fake laughter; sarcastic)

Hahahaha, very funny! Now get out of my apartment.

RICO

You're welcome.

Rico, the last to leave, closes the door as Oliver comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his shoulders.

OLIVER (uneasily making his way to Jackson)

Well, at least everything's fixed.

No sooner does a bang come from behind - the front door has fallen down. Jackson and Oliver turn their heads slowly to face the fallen door.

***

That night, Miley is asleep in bed. She's talking in her sleep.

MILEY (talking in her sleep)

Blue Jeans... you can't follow me, go home. Go home, go home!

BLUE JEANS (VO)

Well that's what I'm trying to do.

Miley wakes up and looks around to find that her bed is outside Blue Jeans' stable. Blue Jeans is at the door to his stable. Miley gets out of bed.

MILEY

Okay. I thought when I brought you down here that was the end of these little late-night "chit-chats".

BLUE JEANS

Dang flab it, Miley. I didn't want you to bring me down here in the first place.

MILEY

Then why did you keep saying: (mocking horse voice) "I-I need you, Mile. I need you".

BLUE JEANS

What I meant was, I needed you to come back home to Tennessee.

MILEY

What?

BLUE JEANS

Mile, Tennessee's a part of you and you've been living without it for too long.

MILEY

But I don't wanna' go back to Tennessee.

BLUE JEANS

Yes you do.

MILEY

No I don't.

BLUE JEANS

Do to!

MILEY

Do not!

BLUE JEANS

Do to!

MILEY

Do not! (pause) All right, that's it. I'm ending this dream right now.

Miley crawls back into her bed and pulls up the covers. She pfftss and Blue Jeans before lying back down and closing her eyes.... only for the bed to be transferred back into her room, but the dream isn't quite over yet.

MILEY (her eyes closed)

That's better.

BLUE JEANS (VO)

Nice try, but I'm not done yet.

Miley suddenly awakens, after hearing the familiar sound of her horses' voice. Blue Jeans is standing in the middle of her bedroom door. Miley gets out of bed and stands in front of him.

BLUE JEANS

Why do you think you're so happy when you're back in Crowley Corners? Why do you think you were smiling when we were riding the other day?

MILEY

Well, I...

BLUE JEANS

Face it, Mile. You know what you really want.

MILEY

I am not just gonna' pack up my life and move back to Tennessee because my horse told me to.

BLUE JEANS

Come on, I'm not just your horse. I'm what you're feeling. I'm what's in your heart. I'm...I'm...I'm...

MILEY

You're what?

Suddenly Miley is looking at her reflection. Blue Jeans has transformed into Miley's replica.

MILEY DOUBLE

I'm you.

The real Miley takes in a deep breath. She can't believe what she's seeing. The dream ends, and Miley abruptly sits up in her bed.

***

The next morning, Miley comes downstairs. Robby is on the way out the door.

ROBBY

Hey, Mile. I'm going to the marks, you got any special requests?

MILEY

Just one. (crosses her arms) I wanna' move back to Tennessee.

Robby stops in his tracks. He looks down in disbelief to what he's heard.

***

For the final part of the episode, a montage of clips of Miley and Blue Jeans starts up, with the Hannah Montana song "Every Part of Me" playing. First up at the stable, Miley jumps off Blue Jeans and pats his mane. Next, Miley is showing Blue Jeans around at the beach. A few clips of Miley grooming Blue Jeans in the stable are shown next. Then recycled footage from the scene in the episode where Miley is lecturing Blue Jeans not to follow her home. The final few clips shown are of Miley spending time with Blue Jeans, ending with a clip of Miley sitting up in a bush area beside Blue Jeans looking out to the sky reflectively.

***

Hannah Montana © Walt Disney. No infringement is intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Michael Poryes and Steven Peterman.

3x28 - The Wheel Near My Bed (Keeps on Turnin')

2010-03-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

Miley is sitting at the kitchen table with her phone, as she pours some cereal into a bowl. Robby is at the sink washing dishes.

MILEY (to herself)

Oh, Hannah's pouring her favourite cereal. (pause) Hannah found the prize at the bottom of her bowl. And Hannah's excited about her new monkey tattoo!

ROBBY

And Robby Ray is over here doing the dishes wondering why we're saying everything that we're doing out loud.

MILEY

I'm flittering my fans. They like to know what I'm doing all the time.

ROBBY (walking over)

Do people really care about this stuff?

MILEY

Yeah. I mean, personally, I think it's ridiculous, but...

Miley's phone beeps. She looks down at the screen.

MILEY

Ooohhh. Reece (???) just bought kitty-litter.

Miley holds up her hand for Robby to high five.

ROBBY

Well if you ask me, flittering is for the birds. Hey, write that down. Your daddy just said something really funny.

Robby turns away back to the sink.

MILEY (pretending to type)

You bet, daddy. Doing that right now.

As soon as Robby turns his back, she stops pretending. She opens a new screen.

MILEY

Oh. Lilly just flittered G, R, R, R. I wonder what that means.

No sooner does Lilly arrive, leaving the front door open as she storms in.

LILLY (mad)

Grrrrrr!

ROBBY (to Miley)

Don't ask me. Ask 'gher. (on Miley's look; chuckles) Ask 'gher. Get it? Now that's funny. You gotta write that down.

Miley rolls her eyes. She goes over to Lilly.

MILEY

Lilly, what's wrong?

LILLY

Of all the cruel, selfish, inconsiderate... (gasps and starts pacing)

MILEY

Oh no, it's Oliver, isn't it? What did he do?

LILLY

I can't believe it! How could she do this to me?

MILEY

She? Oh my gosh, Oliver's in love with someone else?

LILLY

I'm talking about my mom!

MILEY

Oliver's in love with your mom?!

Robby walks over and joins in the conversation.

ROBBY

That is terrible. It only took me one day with that woman to realize she's more than a handful.

Miley shoots a look Lilly's way.

LILLY

What are you talking about? (approaching Robby) Oh, and by the way, she said the same thing about you, Mr. (country accent) "close the (???) and blow my hair all willy-nilly".

ROBBY

Excuse me for wanting to look good for the lady.

Lilly folds her arms.

MILEY

So, Lilly, what's wrong?

LILLY

My mom is the most selfish person in the whole world.

ROBBY

I hear that, pound it. (holds out his fist)

MILEY

Dad!

ROBBY (backing down)

Fine.

MILEY

It was a year ago. Get over it. (turns to Lilly) So what's really wrong?

LILLY (struggling to hold her tears)
She...got a job (!)

Lilly sobs a little as she sits down on the couch. Miley looks confused.

MILEY

Okay...

Miley sits down beside Lilly on the couch.

LILLY (sobbing a little)
And they're giving her great (???) and wonderful opportunities for investment.

ROBBY

Then what's the problem?

LILLY (upset through facial expression this time)

It's in Atlanta.

MILEY (shocked)
You're moving?

Lilly nods.

***

OPENING CREDITS

***

Where we left off from the teaser scene.

MILEY

Moving to Atlanta? (standing) I can't have my BFF in the ATL. OMG!

LILLY (standing)

I know! It's gonna be TTFG. (pause) That's tah-tah for good.

MILEY/ROBBY

Oh.

ROBBY

Hey, well what about your dad? He just lives an hour away. Can't you move in with him?

MILEY

Dad, no. Then-then she has to go to a different school. Look, it's great that you're trying to help, but you know – the best help right now would just be, uh, making sandwiches and getting us a beverage.

Miley pushes Robby in the direction of the kitchen.

ROBBY

Got it. (holds out his fist) Hey, pound it. (on Miley's look) Pound it.

Miley pounds her fist on his.

ROBBY

What? I just like doing that.

Robby continues through to the kitchen. Miley turns back to Lilly.

LILLY

Hey, wait, well – maybe your dad's right. I mean, that way, you know, I could still date Oliver and see you...(starts to sob)...once in a while.

Miley and Lilly sit down on the steps.

MILEY

I can't believe this is happening.

Oliver walks in through the front door, and finds the girls sitting on the steps. Lilly is looking quite upset.

OLIVER

Can't believe what's happening?

MILEY (to Lilly)
You haven't told him yet?

OLIVER

Told me what?

LILLY (under her breath to Miley)

I didn't know what to say.

OLIVER

Oh no, you're breaking up with me?

LILLY (trying to be delicate)

Oliver...

Before she can finish, Oliver flicks his hand at her and paces through to the living room.

OLIVER

Oh, here it comes. The old, "it's not you, it's me" and, "we'll always be friends" speech.

Oliver sits down on the couch. Lilly walks over and places a hand on his shoulder.

LILLY

Oliver...

Again, she is interrupted by Oliver. He stands.

OLIVER

Oh, it's Gabe Lamotti, isn't it? I knew it. Well, you know what? You're making the biggest mistake of your life. I mean, I know he's got a "swimmer's body", but uh...(pointing at his new haircut)...with this new-do, I got the best hair in Malibu.

Robby, over in the kitchen, holding his mug, clears his throat and flicks at his hair.

OLIVER

All right, second best.

LILLY (starting to lose her patience)

Oliver!

Oliver kneels down and takes Lilly's hand.

OLIVER

I love you Lilly, please don't break up with me.

LILLY

Oliver, I'm not breaking up with you.

OLIVER

What?

Oliver gets to his feet again.

LILLY

My mom got a job in Atlanta and the only way I can stay near you guys is if I move in with my dad.

OLIVER

Oh...but that's like an hour away. Lilly, I'll never get to see you.

Oliver kneels down on his knees again and takes Lilly's hand.

OLIVER

Oh, Lilly, please don't go!

MILEY

I got it. The perfect way for ya'll to stay together. I mean, as long as Lilly's parents are cool with it.

OLIVER

Whoa, whoa, whoa. (stands and backs away) I am-I am way to young to get married. You know, I've got my whole life ahead of me...is it hot in here?

As Oliver continues to back away, he bangs into the door.

OLIVER

'Cause I can't breath...

Oliver continues to mumble as he runs out.

MILEY (calling after Oliver)
I was talking about Lilly moving in with me!

Oliver pops back in.

OLIVER (pretending that he wasn't fooled)
Oh, yeah. I knew that, I was just messing with you. Lillypop.

Lilly puts her arms on her hip.

OLIVER

I'm gonna go get you some flowers.

LILLY

Yeah, it's gonna take a lot more than flowers, buddy.

OLIVER

Yes, dear.

Oliver walks away. Lilly turns to Miley.

LILLY

Are you serious? You really want me to move in with you?

MILEY

Are you kidding? Of course. (turning to Robby) We both do, right dad?

Miley and Lilly walk into the kitchen.

ROBBY

Absolutely. You're family.

MILEY

Yeah, see. Everybody's happy.

An echoing voice comes from upstairs. Jackson runs down.

JACKSON

No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!!!!!!!

Jackson pushes Miley aside and goes to Robby.

MILEY (shrugging; to Lilly)

Well, everybody that counts.

Miley and Lilly walk off, leaving Jackson and Robby alone.

JACKSON (to Robby)

What are you thinking? If you let her live here, there will be two of them. Two. Dose.

Jackson makes a gargly noise and points two fingers at Robby.

ROBBY

Jackson, calm down.

JACKSON

Calm down? Calm---

Jackson looks over and sees Miley and Lilly having a quiet chat on the couch.

JACKSON

They've already taken the couch! Quick, set up a blockade in the kitchen. I'll take the staircase. If we deny them food, and sleep, victory can still be ours!

Jackson goes to run upstairs. Robby follows him on a parallel.

ROBBY

No, son. (Jackson is standing in a crabby position) We're not turning our back on Lilly. Now, if her folks say she can stay, than that's that. She's staying.

JACKSON (walking back down shrugging)

Fine. Fine. (walking to the couch) But be warned, Lilly. I was here first, and I'm not gonna change my behaviour. Not even one little bit. You want to be treated like family? Than family you shall be.

Jackson turns his back on them and waves his but in Lilly's face, just before letting off a you-know-what. Lilly covers her nose.

MILEY (patting Lilly on the shoulder)

Congratulations. You're a Stewart.

***

Down at the beach, Rico is standing behind the counter at the shack wiping down the bench. Robby walks over and sits down, placing two stakes and two horseshoes on the bench.

ROBBY

Hey, Rico. Can I get a water please?

RICO (with an accent, picking up the tools)

Let me guess. You kill the vampire horse with these and then (???) his shoe.

ROBBY

These happen to be the tools of the trade of the most competitive sport in the history of man. (on Rico's look) I'm talking horseshoe pitching.

RICO

If pitching horseshoes is a sport, fluffing pillows should be in the Olympics.

ROBBY

Really?

Robby grabs up a horseshoe and, aiming, he chucks it and it lands precisely on a pole. The crowd around him cheer. He turns back to Rico.

ROBBY

You think that was easy?

Robby sits down again.

RICO

Perhaps I was being too subtle with my humour. Yes.

ROBBY

Let's see you do it better, big guy.

RICO

Fine.

Rico grabs a horseshoe and jumps the bench.

RICO

It's nothing but basic psychics. Distance, velocity...ark, factor and gravity, and observe.

Rico aims the horseshoe and, it goes flying over the pole and hits some sort of car. An alarm goes off and a musclier, tattooed man comes out around from the corner holding the horseshoe.

MAN

Hey. Who threw this?

Rico sides down to Robby.

RICO

Hey Mr. Stewart, he found your horseshoe.

Rico runs away. The tough-looking man comes over to Robby with a stern look on his face.

ROBBY

Uh...you wouldn't happen to be a Hannah Montana fan, would you?

The man folds his arms. For a moment it looks as though he may say no.

MAN (chuckles)

Well, yes I am.

ROBBY

Great. Maybe I can help you with some tickets.

***

Robby is in the kitchen, looking through the fridge. Jackson comes over and leans on him.

JACKSON

Hello.

ROBBY

Oh, sweet niblets. What are you doing?

JACKSON

Well, things are about to get more crowded around here with four people living here, so uh...might as well get used to it.

ROBBY

I got news for you son, this ain't gonna work.

Robby closes the fridge and steps away from Jackson.

ROBBY

I already talked to Lilly's mom. It's fine. She's staying.

Robby heads towards the living room. Jackson follows behind, literally attaching himself to Robby.

JACKSON

Oh, y-y-yeah, I know. And I'm fine with it. Because I don't have personal space issues. What about you, big guy? Are you gonna be fine with it?

ROBBY

Yeah, I'm fine with it. Look like Lilly being here is already bringing us closer.

Robby sits down on the couch. Jackson places himself on Robby's lap, placing his arm around Robby's shoulder as well.

JACKSON

This close? (flicks his head at Robby) You like it this close?

Lilly arrives and walks in through the front door with her handbag.

LILLY

Hey, I just took my mom to the air--(notices Jackson on Robby's lap) --port. (in passing to Jackson) Oohhh. Did somebody get a boo-boo and need a hug from their daddy?

Lilly continues on to the kitchen. Jackson jumps up.

JACKSON

You see that? See, she's starting with me. But once she gets a little more comfortable, she's gonna come after you. And ten there'll be no one left to hear the sounds of your hideous screams.

Jackson starts backing away. He turns around, and shrieks, somewhat in a girly voice, as he bumps into Miley. He trips over the plant, but gets back up.

JACKSON (to Robby)

They're everywhere! They're like (???) with lip-gloss.

Jackson vibrates his lips on each other before backing away upstairs. Miley turns to Lilly.

MILEY (serious for a moment)

Wow, Jackson seems really miserable about this. (excited) Bonus!

LILLY

Can you believe it? We're actually going to be rooming!

MILEY

I know! And I have a surprise for you.

Miley and Lilly make a conga line as they head upstairs.

MILEY/LILLY (sing-song voices)

Roomies, roomies, roomies. Roomies, roomies, roomies.

Miley and Lilly conga on upstairs. Jackson comes down.

JACKSON (to Robby)

Get used to that, my friend. Because that is the soundtrack to the rest of your miserable life. (mocking Lilly and Miley) "Roomies, roomies, roomies"...

***

Upstairs in Miley's room, the two girls are standing by the chest of drawers.

MILEY

I cleaned out your drawers for you.

LILLY

You're the best. But I, uh, I might need like a smidge more.

***

Later on, Miley's room is full of boxes from Lilly's house. She drags in the final suitcase with a grunt.

MILEY

So, what exactly does the word "smidge" mean on your planet?

LILLY

Well I only brought what I absolutely couldn't live without.

Robby walks in carting a giant toy lollypop with Oliver's face embedded in the centre.

OLIVER

All right, where do you want this?

LILLY

Oh uh, I thought Ollypop would look nice in the living room.

ROBBY (a sinister glare)

Where do you want this?

LILLY

In here.

ROBBY

Good choice.

Robby walks out. Lilly turns to Miley and claps excitedly.

LILLY

This is gonna be so much fun! Hey-hey look, even Mr Squeakers is excited.

Lilly points to her pet hamster that is making noises in his cage.

MILEY

How can you tell?

LILLY

Well just listen to him. (Miley takes a closer look at the cage; Lilly is impersonating the hamster) Yippee! Yippee! Yippee! Yip-yippee!

MILEY

Lilly, in my room, where you live now, hamsters don't talk.

LILLY

Hey, don't talk to me. Talk to Mr...

MILEY (interrupting)

Lilly.

LILLY

Okay...

***

The alarm clock by Miley's bed reads 12:59. She is sitting up in bed, awake, while across the room Lilly is under the doonas of her bed talking on the phone, unknowingly distracting Miley.

LILLY (VO on phone)

No, no we can go surfing if you want to, yeah. Yeah, yeah, anytime's fine with me. (pause) Really? That early? Oh yeah, yeah, that's better. Yeah, yeah, we can surf and then have breakfast. Oh, it doesn't matter, anything's fine with me. Really? Pancakes?

Miley's had it. All this while she has been covering her ears trying to block out the noise. She throws a pillow violently over to Lilly.

LILLY (VO on phone)

Gotta go, bye.

Lilly hangs up and lies back down to bed. Ah, finally. Some peace and quiet...or so Miley thinks.

***

A little while later, at 1:14, Miley is lying awake on her bed when Lilly starts punching her pillow, trying to get comfortable. Just as Miley closes her eyes, Lilly starts wrestling with her doona cover.

MILEY

Lilly. L-Lilly. Stomach. Back. Side. PICK ONE!

LILLY

Okay.

Miley closes her eyes again.

***

Just as things seem as though they’re normal, Miley is woken up by the sound of Lilly's hamster running around in circles on its wheel inside the cage. Lilly is fast asleep.

MILEY

Please stop. Please stop. Please stop!

The hamster stops running on his wheel. It's a miracle.

MILEY

Thank you.

Miley closes her eyes again. No sooner does the hamster start chewing away noisily at his food. Miley sits up again.

MILEY

Where do you put it all?

Miley lies back down, and no sooner does she suddenly hear the noise of the hamster urinating.

MILEY (sitting up again)

Asked and answered.

Things are silent for a moment. The hamster gets up and starts running on his wheel again. Miley sits up in her bed and whimpers with annoyance.

***

The following morning, Miley is lying down on the couch and Robby is placing a blanket over her. Jackson comes down in his dressing gown.

JACKSON

Hey there, traitor to all men. What's for breakfast? Eggs, Benedict Arnold?

ROBBY

Can't you see your sister's sleeping?

JACKSON (sarcastic)
Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just...(pretends to lose his balance)...I'm loosing my balance...

Jackson falls on the piano and starts hitting the keys. Robby walks into the kitchen as Miley awakens.

MILEY

Oh!

Jackson runs over to the couch.

JACKSON

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?

Miley sits up, awkwardly twisting her arm around her neck.

MILEY

You are a jerk.

JACKSON (proudly)

Yeah, I am!

Miley stretches her neck, as Jackson goes into the kitchen.

ROBBY

What happened?

Jackson walks over to Robby's side.

JACKSON

Yes. Do tell.

Miley is now standing. She walks over, twisting her neck and making her bones rattle.

MILEY

Nothing happened. We were having a great time sharing (pokes Jackson) our room. Until I realized I needed to come down here and get some rest, from more future fun with Lilly as life continues.

Miley seats herself down at the table. Jackson sits down opposite her.

JACKSON

That's a touching story. Too bad it's nothing but a pack of lies!

Robby covers Jackson's ears with some pikelets.

ROBBY

Wait, tell me the truth. What happened?

MILEY

Boxes everywhere, Ollipop on the phone for hours, and that darn hamster squeaking and drinking and peeing and squeaking and drinking and peeing! (Robby releases the pikelets from against Jackson's ears) And that is why it was a perfectly delightful evening.

JACKSON

Nice try. But I've trained myself in the ancient art of lip reading. Now all I have to do is figure out what bleaking, minking and peezing mean.

Jackson gets up and passes Lilly, who is coming downstairs into the room with her wetsuit on.

LILLY

Good morning, new family.

JACKSON

Morning breath.

Jackson breathes on Lilly's face. Lilly stares at him with a smile. Annoyed that she's not annoyed, he goes to breath on her again – but she just smiles. He walks off.

LILLY (to Miley as Jackson walks off)
Not even that can spoil my mood. I slept great.

MILEY (hidden sarcasm)

Yay.

LILLY

Well, I'm gonna head off to the beach with my guy. Which is right outside my new house. I love this. Okay, I will see "ya'll" later. Look at that – one night and I'm already talking southern.

Lilly heads off.

MILEY (standing and calling after Lilly)

Yeah-yeah, that'll be fun. Have a great time. (turns to Robby) Dad, go and get the suitcases. We're moving.

ROBBY (sitting at the table)
Come on darling, you can't expect it to be to be perfect right after (???). She's only been here one night.

MILEY

And look at me. How am I gonna do that CD-signing with this crick in my neck? (clutches at her neck)

As Miley continues, she sits down, and Lilly walks back to the piano to grab up her bag, stopping as she overhears what is being said:

MILEY

Dad, look. If I knew life with Lilly was gonna make me this miserable, I wouldn't of invited her to live with us. (Lilly looks hurt) But now I'm stuck with her.

Lilly walks out, head down to the ground and looking quite upset.

***

Down on the beach, Rico is preparing to shoot a horseshoe onto a ring hauled into the sand in front of him. He takes perfect aim, but Robby strides out and distracts him from making that perfect toss:

ROBBY

Well, well, well.

Rico looses concentration and throws the horseshoe straight up into the air.

ROBBY

Lookie' here what I found.

A colourful kite with a hole in it lands on the sand.

RICO

Thanks a lot.

A cute little girl comes running to pick up her damaged kite.

GIRL

My brand new kite.

RICO (approaching the girl)

Oh, suck it up kid. Life's full of disappointments.

The girl's mother comes and leads her away. Rico turns back to Robby.

ROBBY

Looks to me like somebody's been bit by the horseshoe bug.

RICO

I don't get it. I mastered chess in a week. I learned the violin in an afternoon. But your crazy-cowboy carnival game has broken me.

Rico turns away, slightly sobbing. He sits down at a table. Robby circles him.

ROBBY

You need a little help, Rico?

RICO

Yes, please. (bangs his head on the table)

Robby sits down opposite Rico at the table.

ROBBY

Let me tell you something, son. You're going about this all wrong. Throwing horseshoes is not about calculations. It's about finding that place inside yourself that makes you feel right with the world. (grabs up a horseshoe and heads off) For Robby Ray, it's that little creek back home in Tennessee. Old-dog Jake lying there licking the knits off his belly. Horses (???) through the (???). Oh, yeah.

Robby chucks a horseshoe at the pole and it lands precisely down.

ROBBY

Bam!

Rico grabs up a horseshoe and heads for Robby.

RICO

Well that’s it? All I have to do is find my happy place?

ROBBY

If you got one.

Rico gets ready to chuck the horseshoe, just as he suddenly breaks off into a daydream. He's lying in a bathtub full of cash, with a castle on the backdrop wall.

RICO (in the daydream, rubbing the cash against his face)

Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

He throws the cash up into the air. Cutting back to real life, Rico inhales a deep breath as he gets ready to chuck. He throws it, and the slow-motion suspense leads people to suspect it may actually land in the correct position... but eventually, reality catches up and it hits against the door of the toilet.

MAN (VO from toilet)

That's not gonna make me go any faster!

Rico turns back to Robby and shrugs.

ROBBY

It also takes years and years practise.

Robby turns around and shoots his horseshoe from behind, and still, it lands on the pole. Robby doesn't even look back but knows that he's got a score.

ROBBY

Bam!

He walks off, leaving Rico dumbfounded.

***

Miley walks into her room, exhausted after a Hannah concert. She takes off her wig and lies back on her bed.

MILEY

I've never been so tired.

Miley sits up on her bed and notices that Lilly's belongings are missing. She reaches behind her and picks up a note from Lilly.

LILLY (VO)

Miley, I heard what you said, so congratulations. You're not stuck with me anymore.

Miley puts down the note, looking upset.

***

Lilly is sitting on her bed in a crammed apartment, looking equally, if not more, upset than Miley. Her father, Kenneth, is hauling up a curtain made of doona covers.

KENNETH

And, wall-ah! Instant privacy for the princess of the castle. Now you see me, and now you...

He bends down to hide himself behind the curtain, but the curtain falls to the ground. He can still be seen.

KENNETH (CONT'D)

...still see me. This is why I got kicked out of junior-high magic club.

LILLY

Its okay, dad. I mean-I'm really looking forward to living here. (sobbing) See? Tears of joy.

Kenneth sits up on the bed beside his daughter and places an arm around her shoulder.

KENNETH

Don't worry, Lilly-bear. It'll be okay.

LILLY

Yeah, yeah. My life is just getting better and better, right? No best friend, no beach and...now my bedroom wall is crumpled on the floor.

KENNETH

I promise, this is just temporary. I will find us a better place to live. (checks his watch) But, uh... right now, I've got to get back to the office. We'll talk more when I get back.

LILLY

Okay.

Kenneth walks over to the desk in front of his bed and sits down on the wheelie-chair.

KENNETH

So, where were we?

Lilly runs over and gives Kenneth a hug.

KENNETH

Oh, that's my girl.

LILLY

Thanks dad.

KENNETH (releasing from Lilly)

Oh, please – not in the office.

LILLY (guilty)

Okay...

Lilly sits down on the bed. There's a knock at the door.

KENNETH

Oh, I hope that's the new phonebook. I've got a quarter-page ad!

He gets up and, making his way through Lilly's belongings, opens the door and Miley steps in.

MILEY

Hey Mr Truscott, can I please speak to Lilly?

LILLY

I have nothing to say to her.

KENNETH (to Lilly)

I understand.

LILLY

Thank you.

KENNETH (to Miley)

Come on in.

Kenneth closes the door as Miley comes into the small apartment.

LILLY

Dad!

Miley walks over to Lilly.

KENNETH

Well, look, whatever happened, you guys have got to talk about it. So, just, you know, go ahead, and I'll be in Lilly's room. (steps over to Lilly's bed and mimes closing a curtain) This'll work better when the curtain's up.

Kenneth jumps to the other side of Lilly's bed into the kitchen. Miley turns to Lilly.

MILEY

Lilly, I'm sorry I said that stuff about you. Please come back.

LILLY

Forget it. It's gonna take a lot more than some lame apology for me to leave all of this.

Lilly sits down on her bed and gestures around the place.

MILEY

Really?

LILLY

Why do you even want me back? I mean, I obviously make you miserable.

MILEY

I didn't mean it.

LILLY

Then why did you say it? Were you just-were you just chatting with your dad and there was this moment of silence and you thought "oh, oh, I know what I'll fill it with! Something cruel and vicious that will break my best friend's heart"?!!

MILEY

Listen, it would only be cruel and vicious if I said it to your face, and in my defence, I thought your face was halfway to the beach.

Lilly gasps.

LILLY

Well, my face came back for sunscreen and it brought my ears with it!

The phone at Kenneth's desk rings.

KENNETH

Oh, uh, sorry... I gotta get that. It's a business call.

Kenneth jumps between the girls and answers the phone.

KENNETH (in a female voice)

Truscott and Associates Public Accountants, Margaret speaking. (holds the phone down on Miley and Lilly's look) You have to sound successful to be successful. Thank you, Margaret. (re-answers the phone) Ken Truscott here. Oh, oh hey, Charlie! (on Miley and Lilly's look) Oh, hang on, I'm gonna' take this into the conference room.

Kenneth steps into his wardrobe and slides the door shut. Miley and Lilly continue their conversation.

LILLY

Next time you have a problem with me, you should just come talk to me about it instead of going behind my back.

Miley follows Lilly into the kitchen. Lilly grabs an apple.

MILEY

All right, fine. I can't stand your midnight-mush talk with Oliver, your leaky-squeaky hamster and the fact that you run away just because you hear something that I say just because I'm tired and cranky. And, last night was kinda' miserable, but I was ten times more miserable when I came home today and saw that my best friend in the world was gone.

LILLY

Ohhhhh.

Lilly goes over and gives Miley a hug. They hear Kenneth snickering from in the wardrobe.

LILLY

Dad? Are you crying in there?

KENNETH (VO) (girly voice)

No, it's me, Margaret. (normal voice) Margaret, get a hold of yourself.

Lilly turns to Miley.

LILLY

So uh... you really want me back?

MILEY

Yeah.

LILLY

But what happens the next time one of us says something to make the other mad?

MILEY

We talk about it and we work it out. Just like family. My house is your house now and nobody's leaving.

Kenneth comes out from the wardrobe, still on the phone.

KENNETH (on the phone)

Charlie, I'm going to have to call you back. My secretary's an emotional wreck.

He hangs up the phone and gets some tissues. Miley and Lilly look on with bizarre glares.

KENNETH

These are for Margaret.

He walks back into the wardrobe and slides the door shut. Miley and Lilly give each other a hug.

***

Jackson comes downstairs whistling, tugging rope with him. He goes down to the couch and attaches it to the bottom hump. He smiles, steps over it and puts his feet up as he sits down and switches the TV on. A few moments later, the rope starts tugging the couch. Upstairs, we find that the other end of the rope is tied to Lilly and Miley's door.

LILLY (VO)

Jackson! Not funny!

JACKSON

Funny for me!

Lilly and Miley come flying down onto the porch from the upstairs window. They open the door and step in, sneaking up and crouching behind Jackson.

JACKSON

That's right. Your tiny female brains are no match for Jackson Rod Stewart's. (pause; sensing Lilly and Miley's presence behind him) I didn't lock the back doors, did I?

LILLY/MILEY (in unison)

Nope.

JACKSON

Well it's a good thing I have one of these.

Jackson leans forward to the coffee table and presses in a button on a remote, which sends a giant net falling down from the roof and engulfing Miley and Lilly.

MILEY/LILLY

Ohhh!!!!!

JACKSON

And dad said you can't learn anything from cartoons.

Jackson gets up and starts dancing around.

JACKSON (sing-song voice)
Roomies, roomies, roomies. Roomies, roomies, roomies.

He dances off towards the kitchen. Miley and Lilly grunt as they try to escape out of the net.

Hannah Montana © Walt Disney. No infringement is intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Steven James Meyers and Jay J. Demopoulous.